Words That Don't Mean What You Think

Yes, I do misuse some words sometimes but I make up for it by not killing people who misuse apostrophes and commas. Also English is not my first language. I don’t have a first language. I led a depraved childhood.

The English language is under assault by stupid people who use words they don’t understand, and is defended by pompous asses who like to correct those people. We’re not sure who to side with.

So here are some words that you’ll see used incorrectly on a daily basis and a helpful guide as to just how big of a dick you’d have to be to correct people on it. Also included are many pictures of these words being read by women with large boobs.

A summary of the words are:

• Irregardless:
  People think it means: Regardless.
  Actually means: Not a damned thing.
• Peruse:
  People think it means: To skim over or browse something.
  Actually means: Almost the opposite of that.
• Ironic:
  People think it means: Any kind of amusing coincidence.
  Actually means: An outcome that is the opposite of what you’d expect.
• Pristine:
  People think it means: “Spotless” or “as good as new.”
  Actually means: “Ancient, primeval; in a state virtually unchanged from the original.”
• Nonplussed:
  People think it means: Unperturbed, not worried.
  Actually means: Utterly perplexed or confused. It comes from the Latin non plus (a state in which nothing more can be done).
• Bemused:
  People think it means: Mildly amused.
  Actually means: Bewildered or confused.
• Enormity:
  People think it means: Enormous.
  Actually means: Outrageous or heinous on a grand scale.
• Plethora:
  People think it means: A lot of something.
  Actually means: Too much of something, an over-abundance.
• Deceptively:
  People think it means: Nobody is sure.
  Actually means: Nobody is sure.

…more